Devastated

October 6, 2009 at 9:28 pm 5 comments

baby schultz

I can not put in to words the depths of sorrow I am feeling at this moment.

We went to the doctor for a pre-natal visit yesterday, and throughout  the exam could not find the baby’s heartbeat on his doppler machine. We didn’t think too much of it, but the Dr. was definitely more concerned than we were.

This morning, we went to the Ultrasound appointment, and our worst fears had been realized yet again.

Sometime in the past two weeks, our little guys heart just stopped. Don’t know why, don’t know when. I am curious if it’s still not the effexor, it has only been 4 months.

Instantaneously, any of the pain and anguish that were starting to mend, were rekindled, and then had gasoline thrown on it.

We have longed to have a living baby to bring home, and yet again robbed.

Maybe the third time will be the charm.

Have fun with Matthew, we’ll see you soon. All my love.

Daddy.

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Entry filed under: Effexor, Infant Death, Infant loss, mothers act, Pregnacy, psychiatry, SSRI.

Breakthrough Frustrated

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Amy Philo  |  October 7, 2009 at 12:31 am

    I am so sorry to hear about your baby. Please keep us updated with any news if they find out anything about a cause… You are in my prayers.

    Reply
  • 2. Intrauterine Death of Baby Schultz « The Bitter Pill  |  October 7, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    […] Effexor suspected in recent intrauterine death of Baby Schultz. https://twohours.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/devastated/ […]

    Reply
  • 3. claudia putnam  |  October 9, 2009 at 4:19 am

    Thank you for quoting me in your blog. So sorry to read of all your losses and complications. I wonder, though: What is the rush? If you’d lost your wife you’d grieve for a few years before moving on. Losing a child is worse. Why not give yourselves time to heal, physically and emotionally? Doesn’t your son deserve at least the same mourning period you’d give to a spouse? There have been a LOT of pregnancies in the last few years. That’s very hard on a woman’s body. It may be just that her body is saying ENOUGH right now. Let her rest. After just two pregnancies a year apart, and only one child who survived to nurse, etc, I was totally exhausted and needed all kinds of supplements and alternative medical care to bring my energy back.

    My two cents…

    Reply
    • 4. schultzc  |  October 9, 2009 at 4:25 pm

      I appreciate your two cents. But I must say I don’t agree. You make it sound that just because we want more children, we are not mourning the one we lost. That is just not true. It is an assumption on your part. I talk with and mourn Matthew every day. This new baby has nothing to do with “replacing” our lost son. We desire children. We love children. I want more children. None will ever replace Matthew or our new son Simon. But we have much love to give and I want to give it. We let God determine what will happen. My faith is in Him. If I lost Amery, then yes, there would be a long mourning period without replacement if ever. The difference? He is my life partner and my soul mate. My best friend. I wouldn’t be looking to replace him either. But children are different. They bring love and future to a life. They bring wonderment and amazement. They help make loss a little easier to cope with. Sitting in the hospital after this recent loss, I was talking to the councellor who suggested I wasn’t mentally ready to go home yet and take on my mommy duties. He suggested another night. He actually told me I wasn’t going to be released until another day. Amery showed up with the kids during the meeting and I hadn’t seen my kids in 24 hours. After watching me with my family, he recinded my forced stay and said I could stay only if I wanted to. Otherwise go home and be with my children. Children are a gift from God that I value very much and to put a negative spin on a new life in such dire times is terrible. As for difficult for a womans body? Maybe some women. But that’s what my body was made for. And I don’t have my kids close together. These two are close because we want another child. The closest of the rest are 2 years and 3 months. We space our children naturally and don’t mess my system with ‘drugs’ to stop what my body does naturally. I respect that how you feel and what you feel is right. This is what I feel is right and what I want. So I am looking for respect in my decision. As well as for my husband who never pushed this pregnancy on me. We discuss every time we are wanting to try again and make sure we are both open to life. We agreed that we want another baby. No pressure either side. That is how a loving partner and team mate work in a marriage. At least in ours we do everything together.

      Reply
    • 5. schultzc  |  October 9, 2009 at 4:26 pm

      What is this quote from you in our blog? We are unsure what it is.

      Reply

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