Today is the week before Christmas. We are getting by as well as expected in a time like this. We thought we would have recieved cards this year with some words of love and encouragement in our first major holiday since Matthew’s death. To my surprise, we have been practically ignored.
I would have put our family letter and photo off this year, but I understand the importance of routine for our children. Especially in a time like we have had this year. So dutifully I wrote our letter. It wasn’t a very good one, but the best I could pull together in a time like this. We had our picture taken and wrote and sent our cards out like all our past Christmas’.
We have a string that goes across our living room to hold the cards we recieve. Christmas past by this time, that string is so full that I have to start putting the cards on top of each other. This year today, we have recieved a total of 14. I think that is what is so depressing this year. That our “friends” who have sent us cards in the past, have opted out to this year. Why? Not sure what to write? A card with just a name would have been nice. To know we are still important to others. But instead, we feel like we are being punished for having dead children.
I am so sad that Matthew died and sad we lost Simon too. But I know they are in heaven and are happy and still with us in a sense. The worst part this year is how left out we feel. Not only are we lonely for our children, our friends have left us alone too. That is one of my biggest hurts for this Christmas. We have been left alone by most of the people we thought cared and were our friends. I’m not sure if it’s because they are unsure what to do, or if it shows us who our real friends truly are.